Dreamer Queen Not Under the Machine

TW* childhood bullying + brief mentions of ED and SA Ironically, just the day before a pretty awful awkwardness bullying trigger got me, I shared these photos for once with some affection, fun-loving humor, and even pride for that awkward, chubby, round-faced buck-teethed kid. It was the video footage of her that got me diagnosed autistic when at first they weren't sure if they believed me and were trying to stick me with all these other mental health disorders (that I am not at the core.) I buried her for so long, I was ashamed of her, but recently I have actually been enjoying rising above sh*tty chronic illness symptoms and pain, and expressing being the *adult of course* version of her as a niche. I have also been gearing up to do outfits on insta and TipSnaps (if they ever work properly.) I am still that girl…all grown up of course. That poor child deserved better than to be spoken to worse than a dog, mocked with the "oooook" response all the time, and spoken to as ...

  I don't wanna just be a warrior anymore. I've been doing that my whole life. I want to trailblaze the f*** out of this dark tunnel with a surrounding field of the vicious thorns and brush that is the injustice of ableism and forced poverty. With my torch, yeah, blaze it. 'cause I am fed up of this for myself, and for every story I hear .. my blood boils. Let it be the fire that ignites the torch so I can get out of this dark tunnel. Invisible disability discrimination. misogyny ie 'she's hysterical' or disabled male discrimination ie 'man up you're not that sick bro' via disbelief and shaming ie 'she's such a pretty girl, shame she's ill, she's non-viable, what a pity' instead of accepting her as is, all of her/him/they because they are not their disability, and happening to need to provide accessibility as well as the kind of access to care that optimizes functionality/comfort and ability to pursue pastimes, hobbies, pt work, h...

Some autistic men can be awful. Now don't get me wrong, some are great, I am friends with many great autistic guys - but I have also met a fair handful of them who are truly awful people. Very narcissistic and filled with toxic misogyny.,,and total lack of insight or capability of remorse after behaving poorly. Those kinds of guys are obnoxious AF... and they think they can get away with it.. even blame their autism. Oh please... I do also know some pretty terrible autistic with comorbid, unchecked BPD women who blame their BPD rages, lash outs and nasty mouths on autism. Sorry, but autism is never an excuse to be a complete a-hole... and using it as an excuse for that only perpetuates a bad rep, and internal violence within that community (which is rapidly causing trauma) we don't want that... so stop using it as such and maybe realize that you're just being a shitty person, or a person behaving badly who needs to correct their behavior, no matter what 'condition' ...