Tunnel and torch

 I don't wanna just be a warrior anymore. I've been doing that my whole life. I want to trailblaze the f*** out of this dark tunnel with a surrounding field of the vicious thorns and brush that is the injustice of ableism and forced poverty. With my torch, yeah, blaze it. 'cause I am fed up of this for myself, and for every story I hear .. my blood boils. Let it be the fire that ignites the torch so I can get out of this dark tunnel.

Invisible disability discrimination. misogyny ie 'she's hysterical' or disabled male discrimination ie 'man up you're not that sick bro' via disbelief and shaming ie 'she's such a pretty girl, shame she's ill, she's non-viable, what a pity' instead of accepting her as is, all of her/him/they because they are not their disability, and happening to need to provide accessibility as well as the kind of access to care that optimizes functionality/comfort and ability to pursue pastimes, hobbies, pt work, have a family etc.

Lies, gaslighting, over-drugging, illness inequality (common more access to treatment/belief, rare discriminated against/invalidated til it's too late), cruel gatekeeping, societial ignorance as opposed to concern, compassion and advocacy, subsequent abuse, and mounds of undeserving trauma on people already dealt bad cards I mean ... GROSS. Wake up dirty world.

Disabled and ill people are people not pariahs... and we BE who we are in normal, human ways too .. but then ya happen to have a disability, a condition. So? Is that "what" we are like som sort of icky objectification? Are you projecting your fear of being sick/disabled yourself and letting that cloud your vision when you should be *respecting* people who have to live every day of their lives with such courage and tenacity...

We can be parents, partners, friends, good employees with the right circumstance, yes we can even be sexy and wanted... and sensuality/sexuality can be easily adapted without shame, and instead with fun that is an every adults' right, disabled or not, especially all the toys/options out there. Looks have nothing to do with illness. Some disabled people happen to be good looking, which has ZERO to do with their illness/disability and all to do with their genetics related to physical appearance. So? Are not capable of being disabled? I don't know - uh - can a nice looking apple be off on the inside?

Oh the ignorance ..

We can do better than superficial, contradictory, inconsistent, superficial, class-dependent 'accessibility.' While other human rights campaigns are on the forefront, ableism issues, which are one of THE MOST fundamental of world problems, remain too far in the background and I have had enough of it.

Not only that but my approach to ableism isn't going to be like anything you've seen before, but it's in the face of potential judgement for some of the things I might have to choose to stay afloat.. I challenge you to think outside the box and with true liberty for the notion of adult freedoms as long as safety and comfort zones are not crossed (eg I don't like hardcore 'stuff' as it reminds me too much of SA, I need to be themey, creative, feelings/connections driven and preferably the boss lol) because after all I have a right to my sensuality and in spite of how I look, which might make you think I've had 'so many boyfriends' I certainly have not, and the ones I had were warped and abusive.

That was thanks to my unhealthy rearing and undiagnosed autism both of which made me vulnerable. My own right to my own sensuality that I own has been ripped away from me first by a roman catholic purist mothers' shaming, then by sexual assault as a naive undiagnosed autistic woman that predators could smell, then by illness and perpetual fatigue, and then ableism itself telling me I 'can't.. because you're disabled and ill...and therefore unsexy. Well too bad for all the aforementioned, I have a right to my sensuality as a 38 year old woman... and it's about time.

So buckle tf in. If this has to be mission Armageddon, I'm going out with a bang (oh no , there's another bad joke all things considered - I have to admit that's rather hilarious) and perhaps still pretty and without wrinkles but we will see if I end up with the privilege of white hair or not. I am not counting on it, but if it happens I will not be as annoyed as most, because of what it'd show me.